Literature | A Narrow World! | Nesrein El-Bakhshawangy

The author

Nesrein El-Bakhshawangy

An Egyptian writer, translator, and editor specializing in cultural affairs. She has published in numerous Arab newspapers and magazines. Her works include:

• “Everything is My Biography… Everything is My Imagination”: Interviews with writers from five continents… published by Safsafa Publishing.

Three novels:

• “Reverse Direction”: Al-Muharrer Publishing.

• “Shah’s Perfume”: The Arab Group for Publishing.

• “Rooms of Longing”: Dar Aktub.

Three short story collections:

• “A Narrow World”: Published by the Sharjah Department of Culture.

• “Details”: Rawafed Publishing.

• “Forced Distance”: Fikra Publishing.

• “Ballerina”: Texts… Shams Foundation.

Upcoming translation:

• “Enchanting Animals”: A children’s book.

A Narrow World!

You face this strange world alone. You enter it willingly. Unusually, blue becomes a symbol of cruelty and madness. The siren that claims to snatch you relentlessly from your world. It transports you from one feeling to another… at the speed of lightning, then leaves you alone in your extinguished soul, trying to decode and break free.

***

Every few days, she receives an email from the blue world asking her to reselect her trusted contacts. They will control her page when she travels to the world of light. She doesn’t open it; she deletes it without hesitation. She hasn’t decided yet whether to leave it or erase it forever. The meaning of life confuses her, especially when she stumbles upon a friend’s page with the word “In Memory.”

***

One woman wrote on the wall of one of the blue world’s groups, sarcastically asking: “Whose side am I on in this war?!”
Another replied: “On the side of freedom and life.”

***

He posted a picture of himself shirtless, gazing at the distant horizon, then wrote a sarcastic comment: “Since halal is beautiful, I’ll wait for the beautiful ones.” While he laughed at the comments, a photo of a refugee pierced his eyes.

****

Now, she must freeze her emotions for a while, ignore the loss, and announce her father’s death. She must write an obituary worthy of a great thinker to publish in the blue world. She struggled as she wrote, her soul crushed with every word. She carefully reviewed the wording while her eyes filled with frozen tears. A heavy feeling overwhelmed her; she hesitated for a few seconds. Then she pressed… “Publish.”

Now that she’s completed her task, she closed the computer and allowed herself to grieve. She knows her father’s haters outnumber his lovers. She knows some will post his pictures with captions like “So-and-so has passed.” What she never expected was that when she pressed “Publish,” thousands of holy war soldiers would press “Hahahaha” not only on the obituary but also on every condolence message worthy of a human’s death.

Why does the world, despite its vastness, feel narrower than it should? She no longer knows how to hide from the blue world or where to go. She closed her page for months and found relief when she joined the world of speakers.
“Maybe I’ll find myself among them, maybe I’ll find a space to exist as a woman who can express herself.”
She’s not good at speaking, but she’s willing to learn. There, everyone speaks, expresses themselves, and boasts when they find space. When someone teased her, she fled as usual. She returned to the blue world, thinking nothing would remind her of what happened. Now, she must calm down, do as she please in her private space, and respect others’ spaces.

A day passed… two… fifteen days, and nothing disturbed her peace except that cursed message her close friend sent: “The man died.”
She didn’t understand the confusion that took over her feelings at that moment; she couldn’t find words to express herself.
“May God have mercy on him… See you tomorrow, good night!”
Out of curiosity, she decided to return to the world of voices. She found what she expected. His picture dominated some accounts she followed, and a Quran recitation room was opened in his name. After a few hours, they would open a room to talk about him.
What she didn’t expect was to find a message from a stranger informing her of the poet’s death and asking for her forgiveness!

***

An old post he wrote ten years ago appeared before him, praising a woman and describing her as genuinely patriotic. Only the fear of being called naive stopped him from reposting it. The years had been enough to reveal souls.

***

Alone, you try to decode this world. Maybe you’ll break free!

 

 

Translated into Arabic by Dr.Salwa Gouda

Dr Salwa Gouda is an accomplished Egyptian literary translator, critic, and academic affiliated with the English Language and Literature Department at Ain Shams University. Holding a PhD in English literature and criticism, Dr. Gouda pursued her education at both Ain Shams University and California State University, San Bernardino. She has authored several academic works, including Lectures in English Poetry and Introduction to Modern Literary Criticism, among others. Dr. Gouda also played a significant role in translating The Arab Encyclopedia for Pioneers, a comprehensive project featuring poets, philosophers, historians, and literary figures, conducted under the auspices of UNESCO. Recently, her poetry translations have been featured in a poetry anthology published by Alien Buddha Press in Arizona, USA. Her work has also appeared in numerous international literary magazines, further solidifying her contributions to the field of literary translation and criticism.